Dogging and Dead Dreams

Sooo....what the hell have I been doing for all these months? 
 Last year was a stomach churning, ball busting roller coaster of dreams coming true…
 On the actual surface of reality,  I got a lot of serious shit done. If I had met Katie Price too, then maybe there would have been no more reasons to live. .

After years of talking (shit) the talk, telling people I’m making an all singing, all dancing dead animal musical … I actually did it. My dreams came true too. Not only did it come true, but I smashed it. selling out, winning awards at Vault and Edinburgh Fringe festival, including best new show, pick of the week and finalist for the Sustainable Practice award…

- Without studying music, theatre or even taxidermy…

Last year was indeed a good year. But after all this work, with mostly every moment being filled with intensity to achieve...I accidentally had a rest and suddenly, everything came to an abrupt halt.  Once realised, my dream, well, it died.

Those burning coals under my feet were now replaced...
 by dogging.
Long hard days dogging.

Everyone knows I love animals. But did you know how much I love dogs?
Well it’s true. And that's what I've been doing.  
Recently, my mum presented me with this scrap book from 1997. I would have been 8/9
I used to keep a diary from a very young age. I used to keep all sorts in there. Notes, songs and all the awful things that happen to an 8yr olds.

Mostly I would talk about how much I wanted a dog and hated my mum. 

Turns out, my 8yr old self would think I've made it.
I loved dogging, but was starting to give up on life. 

The reality is, unless you keep living the dream, it won’t continue. Dreams need hard work. All the time. And I took myself away from the heat to chill with some dogs for a while....I’ve been hiding these last few months, swiping left, struggling with what I want to be doing and how I’m going to do it. Serious down time. 

But I’ve decided to try really hard again.

I miss working like a dog. Turns out relaxing isn’t for me. You can't rest on your laurels. Things don’t just come to you, you have to flush them out- Hard, and then harder and then so hard that it is actually real again. 


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