I've had a long, long love affair with Katie Price since I first noticed her assets as a teenager. I've been tracking her progress ever since, and have made many, many artworks devoted to her.
If I saw her in the reals, I would probabaly cry.
Once, we even shared a search engine page.
On the 29th of Dec, one of my life longs dreams was on the brink of coming true. Katie Price was performing in a pantomime as the Evil Queen- In Woking!
Obviously no one wanted to come to come with me, but that didn’t matter- I like doing stuff on my own :D
I found the The Victoria Theatre at the top of a multi-story shopping centre. It’s an awful place full of awful people with awful things to buy, but was obviously the perfect setting for meeting a pioneer of superficiality.
Arriving early and practically gurning with excitement, I got my tickets….
I desperately wanted to ask the ticket lady if Katie would be around to sign anything, try and get any hints on where she might be after the show, but I didn't want to seem like a loon. After taking a few selifies next to Katie on the poster, I'd plucked up the courage to go and ask about a back stage pass.
The kiosk lady looked at me very strangely, then went on to gloat that Katie Price wasn’t in it anymore, that she’d finished her run a few weeks ago.
I don’t know how long I cried for. Possibly minutes. For a while I wandered aimlessly round the shopping mall catching my tear stained reflection in the shopfronts. I was broken, like my dreams.
For some really strange reason, I decided to still watch the show. I'd had a temporary memory lapse and forgotten what a pantomime was actually like. The reality of the situation hit home as I descended the stairwell to my allotted seats, greeted by thousands of E’d up youngsters, with mothers battling their chemically induced demonic possessions.
Luckily, my seats were so expensive, no one could afford to sit next to me.
As the theatre filled up and the lights went down, I felt like I was in the eye of the storm, protected from the whirling mass of light up swords and princess crowns dancing hysterically.
Nearly 30 years old- Here - On my own.
After an hour and a half, I had to leave. My head held low.
The dream of meeting Katie Price would have to be delayed. You can't have everything I guess. Good to leave some mystery to life.