Over a year ago I found a dead cat on the road
The original footage was stolen, this cat action was recorded on a camera phone and has only just come to light today. Inspired by the cat attached to the helicopter, I decided that the world was ready so I finally got round to a remake.
Out now on YouTube
"One evening in May 2011 my mother and I were driving home. Suddenly I started to scream. To my amazement, surprise and despair, there by the side of the road appeared to be the most magnificent feline I had ever seen! Recently hit, the only obviously mark was to the head and a slightly bloodied tong, rigamortis was just setting in and his eyes hadn't gone cloudy yet. He was huge! Someone had obviously loved him very much.
But what is the right thing to do?
I decided to write a note and say I buried it then quickly bundled the cat into the back of the car and we sped away. I had been dreaming of this moment for so long. I couldn't believe my enormous luck. God really was shining on me today.
Within an hour we were home and I ran inside screaming with excitement, dead cat swinging in my arms. Little did I know my brother’s new girlfriend had chosen today to meet the family.….
I said my most normal and polite ‘hello’, then left the poor girl traumatized in the lounge. I took my new pet to the shed at the bottom of the garden and it was here alone in the silence that I was able to fully take in the magnitude of this situation. Excitement was replaced by grief and sorrow. I felt intensely for the life that was lost but also found beauty in such stillness. Intimate moments like this don’t come around often and it is impossible not to get emotional.
Pets have a magical quality because they make you feel things about them. They are close to your heart, they are your friends. You love them.
This creature had for some reason been taken away from this love and in a bizarre twist of fate, passed on to me ... I had a responsibility- I was not going to waste this life. I would make it live forever!
The next day I skinned him and spontaneously shoved my hand inside its head, turning him into some sort of living/dead puppet. We stared at each other for a while and then began to sing!
After the puppet incident I turned my attention to the carcass. I put the body into the most cat like pose I could imagine. It began to look uncannily like something I had seen before- that wonderful catalogue shoot Katie Price aka Jordan did on a beach once.
Photo by Paul Douglas
I recently discovered that if you type Jordans Pussy into Google images you get this.
It used to be top of the images but more of have surfaced since this cum, I mean screen shot
Please feel free to leave loads of negative comments : )